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My new article for VICE
MAN ACCIDENTALLY EATS COMB
Erik Meyer, who set a personal record for getting ready for a night out on the town in November, recently reported that he accidentally ate an entire comb.
In his never ending quest to maximize his preparation processes, Meyer said that while getting ready to go the movies with his girlfriend, Carol Tate, he accidentally mixed up a chicken wing with the comb and before he knew it, he had ingested the entire piece of plastic.
“I fucked up,” an embarrassed Meyer admitted. “I was going so fast and somehow got my hands mixed up and started combing my hair with a chicken wing and eating a comb. When you try to do something no other human being has ever attempted, stuff like that is going to happen.”
Meyer said the digested comb was a Vidal Sassoon 5-inch pocket comb that he recently purchased from a local drug store.
“It was a sweet little 113 millimeter fine-tooth comb and it went down pretty smooth,” the 31-year old said. “I mean, hey, at least it wasn’t a brush or a blow dryer or something. It was a pocket comb. It could happen to anybody.”
Meyer was attempting to get ready in record time for his night out on the town. According to his girlfriend, Meyer has been obsessed with the pursuit for the past several months.
“I guess you could say he is pushing the envelope when it comes to getting prepared to leave your house for a casual night out with friends,” Tate said of her boyfriend of nearly two years. “That’s what he’s always saying anyway. I guess it’s good that he has some ambition though, isn’t it?”
Meyer said he is currently doing things in the personal preparation realm that only decades ago would have been thought to be impossible. As part of what Meyer calls his “Sub-Ready” objective, Meyer said his ultimate goal is to be ready for any social gathering or mixer before he even knows he will be attending such an event.
“It’s kind of like I’m traveling back in time,” Meyer said. “My hope is that one day Carol will say, ‘let’s go to dinner’ and I will be so fast at getting ready that I will just say, ‘alright, let’s go’, because I’m already ready already.”
Although Meyer acknowledged he had yet to pass the comb through his digestive system, he is not discouraged by the latest set-back.
“In a few days I’m gonna shit out a comb,” Meyer said. “Then I’m going to get right back to figuring how I can shave more time off my personal record for getting ready to leave my house.”
Alive and Kicking | Simple Minds
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Massachusetts lawmakers have approved legislation to crack down on those who secretly take photographs of “the sexual or other intimate parts” of women or children in public.
Thursday’s vote came a day after the state’s highest court ruled that a man who took cellphone photos up the skirts of female passengers riding the Boston subway didn’t violate state law.
The new law passed both houses of the Massachusetts legislature in startling quick fashion Thursday, and now goes to the desk of Gov. Deval Patrick, who is expected to sign it Friday.
(Photo: David Kamerman/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)
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#newhampshire #baldmountain #franconianotch